earth note 79

i kayaked from koh samui thailand
to the san francisco bay and never thought
for a moment that the journey would put an end to me
but that first plate of pad thai
telegraph avenue berkeley
was different
the years came crashing down &
i knew it was close to over
the waitress looked away quick
probably knowing i’d never see the sun
strike the sailboats of sausalito
again
too weak
love inside out
the icy summer wind off the bay wasn’t cold enough
to shake me free from those dark valleys
self-pity
deception
out there way too long without
as much as a plan
there would be no redemption
only shadows
a restless life
a world running away
from everything that was meaningful
liberation
but a dream of foolish lovers

--- e b bortz

(published in Jawbone 2001)